Signs You May've Hit Premature Middle Age

I've thought long and hard about the content of this post over the past week (in between searching for the perfect fruity spelt cake recipe, that is) and I've come to the conclusion that this intro, while completely honest, is absolutely not going to help my case. Oh how I wish I could interrupt with a "psych! I'm just messing!", but sadly this is neither a lie, nor a scene created for the audience's entertainment. It is my life.

It isn't exactly a huge shock to me, but the more I think about it, the more it slowly sinks in that I am indeed a middle aged woman stuck inside a twenty-one year old's body. Here is some evidence I've gathered that causes me to doubt my millennial heritage:

1. You have a budgeting app on your phone that you absolutely swear by
Look, it means I can sleep soundly at night knowing I have underspent on this month's petrol budget by a WHOLE ENTIRE two pounds fifty. If you're wondering (or in need of a trusty finance app yourself), I use OnTrees.

2. You're super into stocks and shares
Hells to the yeah do I own shares in a telecoms company and hells to the yeah am I now digging it. Admittedly, my stake in the company is minuscule but it's got me seriously thinking about future investments. AND I've now found a use for that annoying-as-eff Stocks app that comes with your iPhone.

3. You've vowed to become an ambassador for wildlife
I'm sorry, but there's only so many woodland creatures you can see dead on the side of the road before you decide you need to take action. Don't even talk to me about that time I saw a fallen fawn. And we all know about my teeny obsession with hedgehogs.

4. You want your out-of-work hobby to be flower arranging
Well, I've got to kick-start my train to Dutch-tulip-farm-ownership somewhere. (Also, every day I drive past a shop called 'Autumn Leaves Florist' and it fills me with joy).

5. You now drink tea after never touching the stuff before 
And your preferred choice is Darjeeling. Loose leaf Darjeeling. I just.

6. You shop at Gap
I bloomin' love Gap; their cotton shirts are so comfortable I could fall asleep in them, their jeans are the nokia of the denim world because they last an age and their colour palette is so gorge it makes my mouth water.

7. You have different candles for different times of the day
I own so many candles that I now have a sort of candle schedule. Morning is reserved for fresh, fruity and floraly scents, come afternoon we transition into warm shea butter and all things snuggly, until evening rolls around and we say hello to lavender (as this encourages restful sleep). I'm aware I need help.

8. You check the time on your watch, not your smartphone
I woke up one day and without realising, I became this. Lord have mercy on my iPhone.

9. You've started gravitating towards 'Ideal Homes' and 'Country Living' magazines
I do not own a home, nor do I live in the countryside, but these magazines are just so adorable and some of those DIYs are the things of Pinterest-filled dreams!

10. You're into gardening
I currently own a quadrant of cacti, a Wonderflower, two different types of mint herbs and five succulents. And no social life.

11. You start googling things like "when is plum season?" and "how to make rye bread rise"
In case you're wondering, plum season is May through October and you should probably mix normal wholemeal bread flour into your rye flour to help give it some oomph. You're welcome.

12. You have an uncontrollable desire to bake things even though you can't cook to save your life
I made my own spelt cake this weekend and flipping loved it! See also previous post where I blogged about making blackberry compote from home grown blackberries. I mean.

13. You see youths canoodling in the street and feel positively outraged
Excuse me but can you touch each others behind's on your own time?

*Gulp* Someone pass me a drink.
~ Eleanor xo