Monday, 2 February 2015

Things I would rather do than write a dissertation

~Inspired by this post, from 'I Wore Yoga Pants To Work'. She's hilarious and just gets it~

In case you weren't already aware, I am in the midst of writing the world's greatest dissertation. Not even I believe that, but I am writing a dissertation so that part is true. As surprising as I know you'll find this, dissertation writing is an excruciatingly awful experience and I kind of want to cry all the time. 

What I once thought was going to be the coolest thing ever to write ten-thousand words about, has become the absolute bane of my life. I no longer care why brands use social media and frankly, I wish they'd stop so I wouldn't have to write any more about it.

Last week my lecturer told me to do with my dissertation what I felt was best because after all, it's "my baby". How twisted is that!? That's enough to get teenage pregnancies down for real. Something inside me told me not to reply "well, I deeply regret having this baby and I'd like to give it back, please and thank you". In all honesty, I don't think a real baby would be as needy as this thing is - the hours I have to devote to keeping it happy! The tantrums it throws when I don't format things correctly or type too fast. It's a nightmare. And the lack of sleep? Don't even get me started.

What would I rather do than read five-hundred page research method textbooks and write ten-thousand words? Anything. Literally anything. But more specifically:
  1. Attempt to untangle my iPhone headphones after they've been stuffed in my bag all day
  2. Have a conversation with Justin Bieber where neither of us is allowed to use the word "swaggy"
  3. Shave my legs every single day
  4. Listen to someone tell me why voluntary gluten-free living is the future 
  5. Talk to my parents about sex. Just to give you some perspective, my dad calls it "bonking"
  6. Listen to a song where the lyrics simply repeat my least favourite word over and over
  7. Get stopped at every single red traffic light when I'm already late for something
  8. Be cast as "the unattractive friend" in some kind of advertising commercial
  9. Be cast as someone who has a problem with their 'intimate area' in some kind of advertising commercial
  10. Buy tampons on a day where all the people working in the store are seventeen-year-old males 
  11. Walk around blissfully unaware that I have toilet roll stuck to my shoe 
  12. Scroll through my Facebook News Feed to find it full of engagement posts, while in a fight with my boyfriend
  13. Comfort someone who's going through some kind of crisis that I can in no way relate to
  14. Have my phone volume permanently on 'loud' and change the ringtone to "S&M" by Rihanna
  15. Sit in a room for an hour with twenty cats. *shudders*
  16. Get nail polish remover in a cut on my hand
  17. Have the god-awful woman who does the voice-over for the Spotify adverts narrate my entire day
  18. Be lectured on why I should absolutely not shake my booty to that "Blurred Lines" song
  19. Give a dramatic reading of the exchange of texts that ended my last relationship
  20. Tell people via my blog that I got dumped by text. Nailed it.
  21. Upload a slideshow of every Snapchat I've ever sent onto Facebook
I was also considering including "watch someone snap all of my High School Musical DVD's and CD's in half", but I don't think I'm quite that desperate. Yet.

To everyone who is currently feeling my pain, don't give up, we can do this! As Lily Potter (the fictional character, not one of my distant relations) once said: "Harry, be safe, be strong!". Now, let's all join hands and sob together.

~ Eleanor xo