Friday, 8 November 2013

The Impossibility of Writing About Yourself

So, here I am, in the midst of writing a 150 word personal statement, attempting to impress a panel of esteemed judges, most of whom I'd like to imagine look like Simon Cowell, (complete with high-waisted jeans and boxy haircut), into agreeing that I am in fact the best thing since sliced bread, and therefor should be selected for this highly prestigious two week long trip with my university to The Netherlands next March. And I could not be having a worse time.

I've been putting this off for over three weeks and I need a complete, readable, not-totally-sarcastic version to send off ASAP. And this is all I have to guide me: "write a 150 word statement introducing yourself and outlining your skills, abilities, interest areas and personal qualities". Have you ever heard anything more impossible?!

Of course, I started by contemplating whether it would be acceptable to simply write "I am amazing" with a very serious full stop for emphasis. But then I thought, it might need something more. So I tried "I am really amazing" - no-one can ignore such a powerfully confident adverb. But I was still unsure.

I am horrendously egotistical when it comes to myself in everyday life, but when it comes to super-serious, potentially career making stuff, I've got nothing. I mean sure, I know all the lyrics to every single Taylor Swift song and I can locate the nearest Starbucks from 5 miles away... But, am I a good organiser? Can I hold a conversation? If I had an idea could I stand up in a crowd and shout it at the top of my lungs? 

Most importantly, am I who they want?

Suddenly my palms are getting sweaty. It kind of feels like I'm 13 again, trying to find the courage to tell the boy I fancy how I feel; the crippling fear of him rejecting me and running off to laugh with his friends, strong in my stomach. *shudder*

Shoving my childhood-induced anxiety aside, and after much umming, errring and general "why am I such a boring human being?", I completed my 150 words and pressed send on a carefully constructed email... Which has probably gone straight into the recipients spam folder, if my luck is anything to go by.

Here's to positive thinking, chaps!

~ Eleanor xo