But alas, as I love a good complain and generally making fun of my life, here's what went through my head during the experience:
- Ok! Here we go. Gonna get the train and I'm not going to have a single ounce of road rage what a strange new concept this is.
- God why is this platform so long. If I have to walk any further I might as well walk all the way to London.
- Oooh oooh sun shiny day!
- Everyone's looking sufficiently miserable. Must mean I'm in the right place.
- Ooop here comes eager beaver dressed in his finest bicycle shorts.
- Christ why isn't lycra illegal.
- Lining up on the platform ready to get myself on the train wooohooo. Keen bean queuing up with time to spare.
- It's delayed.
- The train is sodding delayed.
- Signalling failures. How. Why. This is 2016.
- Oh lovely, bicycle shorts is now chowing down on a hot cross bun. Is he aware that a) it's literally 7:34 in the morning and b) hot cross buns are disgusting?
- Wait, why are you pushing in front of me?
- Excuse me, Sir, I know you're wearing a suit and tie but have you heard of queuing etiquette?
- Erm hello I was here first!
- Oh no you did not.
- I can do this. I am a strong independent woman with functioning elbows who's not afraid to use 'em.
- Do you people have any concept of PERSONAL SPACE SEND HELP.
- Just breathe. I'm not in my car now, there are no walls to protect me if profanities begin bursting from my mouth.
- God it's cold. Stupid March.
- Think warm thoughts.
- It's not working.
- FINALLY the train is here.
- Oh good, I'm glad we all queued FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON SIR WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO SQUEEZE PAST ME CAN YOU NOT???
- K, on the train. In one piece. With my belongings.
- SEAT! THERE'S A SEAT.
- Wonder how many enemies I just made by accidentally knocking them with my handbag. Stupid thin aisles.
- Alright, I'm sitting comfortably, got my iPod playing some tunes, now to sit back, relax and enjoy a smooth ride to London.
- Are we there yet?
- How has it only been three minutes?
- Imma just sit and people watch for a while.
- Yo, bright coloured tie wearer, is there coffee in that tumbler or gin?
- Could be gin.
- Oh crap, he's spotted me. Act cool.
- La la le laaaa
- Good God there are actually people working at this time of the morning before they've even reached the office?!?!?!
- Didn't even known ThinkPads were still a thing.
- Wow I wish I'd thought to pick up a Metro. This is so boring.
- Crap. Where's my ticket? I have my ticket right, it's here, and it's valid? It is, isn't it? Oh my gosh what if I got it wrong. Am I going to go to prison????
- Lol, no big deal, it's in my purse where I left it.
- Glad I didn't overact because that would've been embarrassing.
- One hundred per cent that woman is now hastily applying concealer under her eyes because she just saw my face. #Life.
- How loud is my music? Wait, do you think people can hear the Hannah Montana soundtrack I'm listening to?
- Oh no, we're cool.
- Better tweet that I'm on my way to London so everyone knows where I'm at.
- Almost there almost there.
- I like how judgey everyone is on this train. These are my people.
- Unless they're judging me. Like under-eye concealer woman over there. You definitely are not my people.
- What's the announcement saying? Oh yay, we're here!
- Let me just stay seated for a sec while everyone makes a mad dash for the exits.
- Smooth and casual. I got this.
Now, back to the reality of driving to work and attempting to get a grip on my uncontrollable road rage. Basically, I can't win.
~ Eleanor xo
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