Things I thought were sexy but upon reflection, probably weren't

I am probably the least sexy female on the planet; I eat like some kind of crazed gibbon and I laugh at pretty much everything (serious, sexual or otherwise). Let's all take a short moment to think about what a catch I am *sigh*. I have (so far) had zero luck with guys, can you tell? but university has provided a great stepping stone for me to work on my skills so I'll be ready to go out into the real world and work my magic and fool someone into loving me unconditionally. I am a girl with a plan. But no man. Hmmm.

So here it is: Eleanor's accidental guide to being seriously un-sexy... Enjoy:

1. Chewing gum
I thought I was doing great until he asked me why I was chewing so loud, and then proceeded to mimic me.

2. Low back/backless see-through top that showed off my new lacy bra
He pointed out that I had gotten thoroughly (unevenly) sunburnt the previous day. Like I didn't already know that. Moron.

3. Sneaking him into my house
My sister came home and found us. It was what I can only describe as one of the worst experiences of my life. She didn't grass me up to my parents though; thanks sis, I owe you one.

4. Short pyjama shorts
When you have a booty you gotta use it, girl! So I did. Until I got a text a few days later telling me the shorts were too short. Ok there, Mr Mixed Signals.

5. Wearing (and keeping) his hoodie
It was great; comfiest hoodie I've ever worn in fact (perfect for 9am lectures at uni where you do not give a shit about your appearance - take note, girls). Until we broke up and in the end I had to mail it back to him. There's £3.90 I'll never get back.

6. Talking about Victoria's Secret
I'll probably keep doing this but I just really like the brand.

7. Mositurising my legs
I don't think he was even watching so that was a waste of my time.

8. Instagramming bikini selfies
I was on holiday, hanging by the pool with the sun in the sky and decided to pose for a picture so I could boast to everyone back home in rainy England. Everything seemed cool until my sister messaged me telling me the bikini I was wearing made it look as though I was naked. I can't look at that picture anymore.

9. Sharing a mozzarella stick (you know, like the spaghetti scene in Lady & The Tramp)
This one was not my idea - umm hello, mozzarella sticks are my favourite, why on earth would I want to share one?! Still, we tried it and frankly it just turned into a cheesy mess and he ended up with the bigger half so that wasn't great.

10. Shaving only half way up my legs
I was wearing long pyjama bottoms so I figured only shaving to the knee would be fine. Oh how wrong I was. I'm sure I don't need to tell you how utterly horrific this experience was. NEVER. AGAIN.

What a poor excuse of a woman I am. Learn from my mistakes ladies, it will save you a hell of a lot of embarrassment.

~ Eleanor xo